March 13th, 2012 - Books that Sing

I was looking for an answer for how circumstances in my life were going to turn out. Instead, God gave me a perspective shift. 
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It started as an ordinary night of class at Fire School.  Our instructors had us come into the prayer room for a time of worship before progressing into some teaching.

I have to admit, I was not in the most affective mood for praise and worship.  I felt dry and overwhelmed.  I had sensed God's clear direction for me to attend ministry school.  But as the school year had progressed, I found myself facing more and more difficult challenges.  My family had struggled financially through the winter and I was laid off from my secretarial job in February.  With payments approaching for the rest of the school year, I didn't know how I was going to make things work.  Everywhere I looked I seemed to be faced with a need for finances and the back accounts were nearly empty.  Still, I kept hearing God tell me to stay exactly where I was, to not look for another job, and that I was right where He wanted me to be.

But God, I wanted to protest, what about this?  Or, what about that?  Don't you know it takes money to live in this world?

I sat down in a chair as everyone prepared to worship and sighed.  I cannot say I actually prayed for an answer.  I more just groaned in my spirit.  I needed God to come meet me because I wasn't sure what I was going to do.

Our worship leader started playing and everyone began singing.  I joined in, pushing myself to participate even though I did not feel very engaged.  Then, suddenly, everything shifted.

I often see pictures or sense God's presence during times of worship but I have never actually gone somewhere in the spirit.  I would hear people talk about going to heaven and experiencing things and wondered what it would feel like.  I never dreamed I was headed for such an experience that night.

Suddenly, with my eyes closed, I found myself in an enormous room with hundreds of pillars draped with sheer fabrics like partial curtains separating the room into sections.  I was dressed in a white dress with short sleeves and a slightly flared skirt that was calf length. 

This was more real than any picture I have seen in the past.  I can only describe it by saying I was there.  It was not just in my mind.  And yet, I was still aware of the room where the rest of the students were worshiping.  I could hear the music and them singing, could feel my body sitting in that chair to some extent but it was like being disconnected from one reality and entirely focused on a new one.

Back in the room of pillars, I suddenly I felt this burning desire to dance.  I started to dance through the room, moving from section to section.  The more I danced, the more the dark depressive feeling ebbed away and I felt lighter and lighter.  I passed pink curtains and purple ones.  Light blue and cream.  I continued dancing through the rooms of veils. 

Then suddenly it was like I just stepped through into another realm and I was in the throne room of God.  It was massive, so large that it was almost as if it had no sides at all and was filled with hundreds of thousands of people.  From the front where the throne actually was emanated a tremendously white pure Light.  There was a center isle and I made my way toward the throne with steps almost like the bridal march.  Everything, including all the people on either side, was so bright it appeared white.

When I got to the front, I saw there was a large open space before the steps leading up to the throne where the people kind of held back before the glory.  The Light obscured any view of Him but I knew His eyes were on me.  I began to dance before Him.  The dance was full of passion and expression of love for Him.  I ended on my knees in front of the stairs. 

Then out of the white light stepped the Father, robed in a white garment with a sash around His waist.  His face was like Jesus' but more aged.  He came down the steps and knelt on the floor in front of me.  He placed His hands on either side of my face (yes, I could actually feel this!) and brought my head down to rest against His chest.  I remember He was so much bigger than me it was like I was a seven year old child again.  I began to weep as I was overwhelmed with incredible peace. 

After a time of just being held and loved by my Father and with my head still nestled against His chest, I asked Him about the situations going on in my life.  I asked Him how they were going to turn out.  I knew He had a plan and that He would always watch over me and provide, but how was He going to do it?

In answer, He said softly, "I want to show you something."  Then He stood and scooped me up in His arms.  He carried me to the right of the throne where I saw there was a door opening into another room.  He carried me inside the room and set me on my feet.  I looked around and realized I was in an enormous library.  It was elegant wood book cases that were carved and reached high to the ceiling.  Huge glass windows let in golden light.  The isles of books went on and on.  And yet, it felt immeasurably cozy. 

In the center of the room was a huge table, like a dining table.  I thought the table was covered with a 3D model of a city but then I realized it was in real time, like looking down over the world.  The scene had a transparent dome over the top almost like an atmosphere.

"Stay here for a moment," Father God said.  "I will be back."  Then He left the room.

I walked around in the library a little, overwhelmed by what I was experiencing.  I had heard others talk about times they had been caught up to heaven and seen the library of God where every person's life story is written down.  I could not believe that I was here seeing it for myself! 

I walked up to the shelves but the book titles were obscure to me, almost as if they were in another language.  I could not tell whose stories I was looking at.

Then slowly I realized I was hearing beautiful music.  There were voices singing in all different languages and styles that somehow all harmonized into a song so beautiful it made tears come to my eyes.  The sounds came from all around me.  I turned a circle, trying to identify where the notes were coming from.  Now and then I heard phrases I understood.  They were all praises of how great God is and how His love and mercy endure forever.  As I looked around the library I suddenly realized the music was coming from the books.  It was so beautiful I eventually ended up on my knees in the middle of the room praising God with them.

Then Father God returned.  He asked me, "Do you understand what you are seeing?"

I had to be honest.  "Father, I know what I am hearing and seeing but I am not sure I fully understand."

He told me that the books were the lives of His children and that each book reveals something unique about Him that had not yet been seen or heard before being expressed in their lives.  And it is these revelations that were singing out from the books.  Their lives were singing their own unique expression of Who and how great God is.  The song He had written for them to sing. He was their Author.

Then I looked and He handed me a long narrow wood box.  When I opened it, I saw it contained His pen.  It was over a foot long, much too large for me to use.  A dip pen with a wood handle and gold tip.

I heard Him say that just as He is the Author of the many stories I was hearing singing all around me, He is also the Author of mine.  He is the Author, not me.  It is entirely impossible for me to write with His pen but He is writing my life story to reveal a part of Himself that has never been sung before.  It will reveal another part of Who He is to the world and to heaven. 

Then, in the blink of an eye, I was back in the prayer room just as worship ended.

Needless to say, I was overwhelmed by such an experience.

Now you might be thinking exactly what I realized after pondering this experience for a few moments.  God never answered my questions about how my current circumstances were going to turn out.  But as I continued to think about what He showed me in response to my questions, I realized He did answer.

I cannot write my story.  It also follows that i do not understand what He will write in order to make a life story sing His praise.  But this one thing I do know:  He is writing my story in such a way as to reveal Himself.  And just as an author is not surprised with the direction or way their story ends up, neither is God surprised or concerned.  He is writing my story.  It will sing His praises in harmony with the lives of all His children.

With that revelation, what point is there in worrying about the next phase of my story?  My Author knows!  And He is working out every detail before I even get there, planting Himself and His gifts along my path in such a way that my life will have no choice but to praise Him.

Suddenly Jesus' words from the Sermon on the Mount make a lot more sense.

Matthew 6:25-33 AMP

Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on.  Is not life greater than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap not gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them.  Are you not worth much more than they?

And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure to his stature or to the span of his life?

And why should you be anxious about clothes?  Consider the lilies of the field and learn thoroughly how they grow' they neither toil nor spin.

Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his magnificence was not arrayed like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and green and tomorrow is tossed into the furnace, will He not much more surely clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?

For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.

But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given to you besides.